homeless jobless hopeful

So I get these compulsive itches to write sometimes, when I'm stirred to do so...

What a month so far...packed the life up in the Camry, left it in San Diego with the uncles, enjoyed a little lushing around in that fine city and then homeward bound. Hung with mom in Austin for a couple hours and then on to San Antonio to meet my dog! She is really so very sweet and I'm in love. Then drove back to Austin, good catch-up time with Rebecca, saw Tim @ Rain, then back to SA where, for whatever reason, I decided to go ahead and move to the outside bedroom (separate from the house) which has turned out to be this great retreat, all of mom's paintings, great bed, stone shower...ahhhh. So that's been nice, I'm still finishing up projects with FUSION long distance but I hope to get them done this week.

Did some choreo for ADTS for summer workshops and I'm happy with what's been produced so far. The pieces seemed to come easier this time, so I think that's a good sign. So far I did a Mashup of Arctic Monkeys/Blu Cantrell/Sean Paul, Beth Hart's "Hiding Under Water," and a hip hop mix. This week I've gotta finish Prince's "Black Sweat" and Imogen Heap's "Hide and Seek" (the Alanna good-for-the-kiddies version, wherein I cut out the word "hell". Yeah.)

Am sitting in Austin right now--let's work this backwards. I am recovering from a hangover with iced coffee and went running on Town Lake before that, because before that, I spent a final night in Austin out with Kel and Lane, with a few special guests thrown in. Thankfully got to see Jess, Jen, and Sarah. And some randoms, one of whom told me he'd kick S*******'s ass and act as a bounty hunter...to quote Steven, the friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend, "He's VERY easy to find." Whatever. Closed that chapter and am spending all my earnings paying for it.

Which on a daily basis leads me to question what I DO have, if what I don't have is ample savings or the love of my life yet. And Kelly reminded me (even though others in my life have said and meant the same sincerely) that once I am settled, things will come. I'm incredibly tentative and am without a home/roomates/job/stability/love life but those things don't need to surface while I'm in transit. By tomorrow morning, or let's say Monday even, I will have changed cities ten times since being in TX. So yeah, let's work on settling myself before settling down. Elizabeth will back me up on it, but I'm not first wave, probably not second, maybe not even the mini-wave after second but before third...if that didn't make sense, ask and I'll happily explain :)

And I need to leave room for how excited I am for weddings: my cousins Sarah and Mary Jackson and MINA!!! While the first two receptions will be in the Baton Rouge Country Club (multiple open bars, Vera Wang, yatta yatta) the third is in New Orleans. Forget having a relationship with a man right now; dealing with that city will be emotional enough! I haven't seen it since...I guess last year? I'm not ready to see my city broken. I took these fantastic pictures last time I was there, but fantastic because they were what my eyes saw, not necessarily artfully-purposed or whatever.

It's just amazing that on June 3rd, I will watch a person who seems like part of my own soul commit more than a lifetime of love to a man she deserves, in a city that I want to embrace, in a dress that means LA to me...sorry, just sorta stream of mind right now...and all of this will culminate, and I will be alone, but more fulfilled than ever. And that will be the emotional point of my summer, and then I will slowly regain focus and my energy will fan out and cover too many things at once, like usual, and I will curse at city traffic and overcaffeinate myself, and I will move and shake with a new and renewed resolve.

What an exciting time. How many hidden blessings can one person have?

And I'll know him when I meet him.

I love my friends.

-A

Oh my goodness. And so it draws to a close.

Right now, I'm sitting here thinking about where to go and what to do--literally. Ally and I are heading over to the UTLA center for some late-night work (I know, I know, it's 1am) and I might choreograph a little. Because I'm absolutely inspired! I found a site with mega free downloads of artist mashes and one solid 22min Coachella montage--Massive Attack, Matisyahu, Depeche Mode, Scissor Sisters, She Wants Revenge, TOOL, Gnarls Barkley, so many more. That was amazing--major thanks to Catherine for supplying free tix to Sunday's coachella show (Madonna...free? Come on!!! Actually what made my day was blissing out to Massive Attack at dusk laying down in the clean clean grass, hoodie over my head, staring at the sky, lights and palm tree silhouettes. mmmm..... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .



So there it is. I'm ready to be done with school--pitched my feature film today for our final project and was actually really happy with results. Phil asked me if I wanted to pitch it to HBO or Showtime; told me what I'd need to do if I wanted to go forward. It's a thought. As usual, it's the typical Alanna-is-fond-of-depressing-subject-matter-themed-film. Won't leave you happy, folks, but that's not what I'm in the business of doing, at least not through art. I want to affect, not sedate. Won't catch me being anyone's opiate. Not unless you ask nicely.

This is what I've learned after being here so briefly (yeah I know I'm heading right back but whatever):
-love you all at home. Actually want to spend time and get to know some of you even better...
-I'm a failure at dating. Or at being asked to go on them...No worries--for the first time, I actually like me. I know I will be wonderful for someone. I don't mean someone will be lucky to have me; I mean I will make it my life-effort to be the joy and relief and support and diversion for some guy--he won't see it coming but I will be outstanding.
-need...dog...need...dog...need...puppy? Puppies turn into dogs.
-Always watch your phone etiquette--you never want to leave someone with the wrong impression. Only a few of you know what I mean, but ask if interested.
-I can't wait to dance myself to sleep.
-I love Mina and Gen and my fam and Rebecca and Leeanne and Ginger and rousta-fam and SA friends and more...
-My phone is almost is fun as a pet. Should I glue fur on it?
-I LOVE with my HEART my roomies.
-You know what doesn't come in apts here? Refrigerators, central air, parking spots, or free boyfriends.
-Kombucha is the BEST thing a human being can drink. Ask me (or find @ Whole foods)
-Since I know you all keep up with the latest pop opera artists from Bulgaria, we are doing a show next week @ the Kodak www.krassimir.com
check it check it check it

please love and call me. sorry; at my wits' end at the moment, like i said GOING to school on a thursday night @ 1am.

peace dudes...

-Alanna
**Oh, and most people, i.e. working professionals in LA, can't spell. Nor can they punctuate. I want to fix them with my prissy lil' attitude but they'd all kick my ass. College degree? Only special if it's designer or has boobs on it.

merry bunny and jesus day.

Greetings from LaLa Land!

So I'm using this opportunity to simultaneously blog/email/update on things I want the people I care about to know. Firstly, on this Easter-eve, I miss being with those I love, especially on holidays! Tomorrow I've got a test shoot for some headshots in the morning, mass, and then I'm cooking for my roommates; still, it's not the same...but I suppose this begins adult life, in a way.

So things that are going on--living situation is still great, but Andrea and Rachel and I are all really eager to move out and move on, or at least to know where we'll end up. Places are super pricey, but split three ways will be ironically less damage than I ever spent in college. We're aiming for Hollywood or West Hwd...somewhere close to jobs. All I can say about jobs (jobs do not = taking dance classes or performing) is that we are all searching and it's scary out there. Wish us luck!! There are some things in the works and I have faith.

Work--so for much of the week, I work with Michael Schwandt (boss, friend from UT) at promoting him as a choreographer (www.michaelschwandt.com), exposing new clients to FUSION, our company (www.fusionentertain.com), and planning how I'll begin to package myself as a professional dancer. First step is refining the resume, and now that FUSION has recently gained professional representation (www.ddoagency.com) with DDO, I'm working closely with Jim, our agent, and I hope for that to lead to a solid relationship. Like I mentioned, I'm doing some test shots tomorrow to start building an image portfolio, so my own goal with that is to seek representation within the year. I want it so bad, but between 12hrs of classes here, extra govm't class, finishing my thesis, interning with Mike, and judging dance competitions on the weekends, there just hasn't been time. Which is actually a blessing, because it gives me time to take in the city. I love it here, if I haven't conveyed that, and dove right in from the first day I arrived.

Traffic is god-awful, but is tolerable if you're going somewhere you are excited about. I am, most of the time, so music really helps the gridlock. There are so many amazing parts of the city that I can't wait to explore, like museums, restaurants, you name it--come visit me and we'll go together! On that note, I'm still, er, a solo agent but I'm learning that I don't need another half to enjoy life. That's a big step for me, and it's put the focus back where it needs to be.

Random things...so I'm now an ambassador for Nike, where I lead 3mi runs once a week from the Nike Women store in the Grove--I get outfitted in Nike head-to-toe and am paid in gift certificates. Sweet deal, and I love it so far, mainly b/c I get to run around Los Angeles with women who are learning to love running as well.

The social life is pretty limited, mainly b/c I enjoy the company of those I live around...and because we're fiscally challenged...but we manage to get out every once in a while. We all intern all day and then have school at night. School's ok; it's geared at those most interested in film/TV production, which does lead to some fun field trips--we went to the set of "Studio 60," which is a new hour drama/comedy filmed on the WB lot right next to where I live, with Matthew Perry and others--sets are not a glamorous place. Look for the premiere in fall, maybe? There's been alot of buzz about it; should be a great show. TV work is a crazy, long workday, and I have a newfound respect for that.

Other updates that are brief but notable: I'm playing around with my haircolor...I found the best cupcake store ever www.sprinklescupcakes.com ...I got a new phone and am wired 24/7; email is my best friend...My new name is "Alanna Carthy" on my Bank of America card, much to my chagrin...I have a secret fascination with tiny skull-and-crossbone adornments...Trader Joe's is the BEST grocery store in the entire world...No one here uses turn signals...My diet has completely changed but I still love cheese...People here sign emails with "Be Well"...Parking does not exist here; you must MASTER the parallel or you're a goner...I have yet to see the beach...Everyone here "knows" someone or was on some reality TV show or another...There are lots of Hasidic Jews in Hollywood...my apt. complex is bizarre and there are too many child actors here to deal with...they filmed a pilot here...I got rear ended once already...leggings are cool...I am so inspired by all the music I'm sharing with people, I can't even take it--lots of inspiration for the summer...Kristin Cavallari is orange, not tan...toll roads here cost $3.oo...I drink Kombucha, or fermented mushroom tea...There are SO many Texans here.

So my family got a dog and I'm super jealous and want one SO bad, but I know it'll happen in time. Finding a job and making it through the summer w/out my car (i.e. trek across the southern US for work and weddings) are my main goals. Among the things I'm considering searching for post-graduation in May are law school, working for a CSA, pharmaceutical rep, working at an agency, freelancing (haha RIGHT), working with music licensing...so therein lies my dilemma--too many options and none of those are even actual jobs I've been offered. We'll see what surfaces, but for now it's just working day and night to do my best! I absolutely LOVE the pace of life, and I love being busy, and absolutely cannot WAIT until graduation, finally. I'm so old...or am I young?

I want to hear back from you and I care dearly about everyone even if I can't call you daily or weekly. I hope to be in TX from roughly May 12-June 28th, so let me know what your plans are! I want to hear updates about YOUR life and really don't like giving you the "highlights," which make it seem that life here is all fun and palm trees. I just like to give you the good stuff b/c it helps remind me why I'm here.

Much love on my end...

-Alanna
still @ (512) 784-5179; will change to a (323) or (310) in July.

masala does a body good

just finished eating dinner; rachel made naan, masala, samosas....all very very good. i need to write more--things seem to be getting to me lately. and i'm really worried about this bipolar thing, because i've been going from extreme highs (which are the good days) and extreme lows (which are pretty scary). and my new mantra of the month is not to use food as a reward. it's not; it keeps people alive, and i shouldn't let myself eat junk as some sort of prize for having a hard day. that's really fucked. i'm trying to stick with the EAS "body for life" program, which is really a full-time-job but feels great when i do it right. at the moment, it's operation kick my own ass into amazing shape, and i believe i can do it if i can steer clear of these insanely stressful moments where i just lose it. eh, i dunno what i'm even talking about.

things otherwise are going great--performed last week at the pacific design center for an industrial. jan brady was there. it was a fantastic night and i had so much fun with my new little dance crew. we worked in conjunction with jane ann ryan productions, who basically RULES all the cruise lines and some major award shows (most networks) and i'm happy i met the big dog. god i need to actually dance more. work is great like always, and i'm sad that the position at FUSION can't be a job after graduation, not until we book with any regularity. i'm still up for pouring my heart and soul into it, though. what else can i update...i miss my fam; they got a dog. i'm insanely jealous but i know that all these things will happen in time. the best would be if the future mr. comes with a dog already attached. :)

well, here's to gearing up for a rocky and completely unplanned as-of-yet summer: there'll be teaching, graduating, weddings, travel and moving here permanently. i can't do it alone, but i have my roomies, my real friends, my family, and my heart. wish it well!
love to everyone...
**pics are from st. patty's and diane von furstenberg, where we went to a VH1 save the music party--daisy fuentes and the donna's, anyone? i bought a cute dress there, at least, and ally WON a dvf dress worth over $400.

manicmanic

jesus i'm at work by 7:30 today...but i like that--no one is on the road here at 7 (i just took rachel to the airport for becca's wedding)...god bless the burbank airport.

i just said jesus AND god.

so i'm at work recovering from not coming in yesterday, but i work well when undisturbed. yesterday i basically figured out my life...at least the objective parts...and coordinated how the heck i'm graduating, what without the gov312L requirement and my incomplete from the thesis debaucle. i stayed on the phone with UT, advisors, UCLA, dad, and some others...so thank you if you helped me figure things out yesterday. that and i'm recovering mentally from being rear-ended, getting the car fixed, etc etc.

and i love my roomates, too. they are the loves of my life right now. (+ adare)

so i'll work today, pick up the good ol' camry, and i have a date!...with andrea and ally. i couldnt ask for better company and i can't wait. jarrett texted me late last night after i got home from the bar. that was strange, as i never know what it means, other than to say hi....but why....nevermind.
i think things are going to be ok. i also think i'm maybe bipolar, but not enough to count.