get dumb

so...we're having a LAN--or LAME--party. depends on how you look at it. there are 5 active computers in the house and we're ripping the heck out of everyone's cd's (clap your hands say yeah, jack johnson, at the drive in, zero 7...yay!). so i'm in a weird strange place with things right now and feel really alone but really surrounded...does that ever make sense? ended things with B. earlier this week and it was truly hard for both of us, but the distance kills...and that's no one's business anyway. so that happened, then work was hard and long (er), and i went to an audition today, which did NOT go well, and i returned to my car to find a parking ticket....but darnit if i didn't come home to love, and that's all anyone needs. i'm learning that slowly but surely. here's to adventure.

just at work needing a mental break...or a release...ugh there's so much to figure out. not at all afraid of admitting that. i love my roomates, though, and their constant cursing, malicious comments, and booby traps really make me feel at home. jk; they are the bestest ever.

have an audition this weekend, so we'll see how that goes. dance spirit is coming over to mike's on tuesday to meet with me and erin, a co-worker, so that should be promising. they're doing a story next month on upstart companies like our own and i'm doing some research on that at the moment.

i have to say that my alcohol tolerance has lowered considerably, as evidenced by last night, when i ran into a door after not even two drinks.

love you all!

i dunno

i think this was the first time i've cried since i've been out here; maybe that's an accomplishment? showers are good for hiding that sort of thing, but you can't hide forever.

maybe it's that tomorrow is a 12hr workday, and maybe it's that i'm feeling helpless with finances and life decisions and me in general, and maybe it's that i had too much time on my hands. whatever it was, i did not love myself today and i'll leave it at that. but no one else did until rachel said so, and andrea did too, and reminded me that they love me...i hadn't heard that from anyone in a long time, not even mom or dad or adare or other friends and that was sitting very heavy on my heart.

hopefully i can follow through and actually write an email update to people, even if just to hit the high points. i truly do hope everyone is happy back home (home?) and that i can get better at staying in touch. adieu...