get dumb

so...we're having a LAN--or LAME--party. depends on how you look at it. there are 5 active computers in the house and we're ripping the heck out of everyone's cd's (clap your hands say yeah, jack johnson, at the drive in, zero 7...yay!). so i'm in a weird strange place with things right now and feel really alone but really surrounded...does that ever make sense? ended things with B. earlier this week and it was truly hard for both of us, but the distance kills...and that's no one's business anyway. so that happened, then work was hard and long (er), and i went to an audition today, which did NOT go well, and i returned to my car to find a parking ticket....but darnit if i didn't come home to love, and that's all anyone needs. i'm learning that slowly but surely. here's to adventure.

just at work needing a mental break...or a release...ugh there's so much to figure out. not at all afraid of admitting that. i love my roomates, though, and their constant cursing, malicious comments, and booby traps really make me feel at home. jk; they are the bestest ever.

have an audition this weekend, so we'll see how that goes. dance spirit is coming over to mike's on tuesday to meet with me and erin, a co-worker, so that should be promising. they're doing a story next month on upstart companies like our own and i'm doing some research on that at the moment.

i have to say that my alcohol tolerance has lowered considerably, as evidenced by last night, when i ran into a door after not even two drinks.

love you all!

i dunno

i think this was the first time i've cried since i've been out here; maybe that's an accomplishment? showers are good for hiding that sort of thing, but you can't hide forever.

maybe it's that tomorrow is a 12hr workday, and maybe it's that i'm feeling helpless with finances and life decisions and me in general, and maybe it's that i had too much time on my hands. whatever it was, i did not love myself today and i'll leave it at that. but no one else did until rachel said so, and andrea did too, and reminded me that they love me...i hadn't heard that from anyone in a long time, not even mom or dad or adare or other friends and that was sitting very heavy on my heart.

hopefully i can follow through and actually write an email update to people, even if just to hit the high points. i truly do hope everyone is happy back home (home?) and that i can get better at staying in touch. adieu...

D111

so a brief LA update. everything is just buzzing out here. just living. don't know how to explain it. school is fun, respectively, compared to typical boring class. it's boring sometimes, but it's for a greater purpose and it's in an office building with movie posters everywhere. let's see; the good:
<-------Vaugniston/Vaughnnifer/Jennivaughn/Vinceifer/Jennifer Aniston + Vince Vaughn @ Dragonfly, Spazmatics playing.
-D111 is THE place to be. we seem to host the UTLA parties; (see Facebook for proof). The kids out here from Austin are cool as hell, and we all seem to enjoy each others' company.
-Bret...two weeks...mmmmmm
-melrose, view from mulholland, seeing sarah bareilles sing live, being around steph, saint monica's church, racker (rachel+acker), layering, andrea cutting people, allison rapping, food, kombucha, EDGE, music video shoots...many more visceral things. oh, and fred segal sweatshirts.
the bad:
-BATS on the ground
-traffic/parking
-cost of living
-blake mcgrath not calling me back.
-being broke.
-waiting for two weeks.
the ugly:
my housecleaning skills. the air. my camry. prices of clothes. the third right lane.

i miss everybody, but this is where i need to be. even though i can't back it up with a plan whatsoever?

there's a mountain outside my door

and i'm here. odd. the drive was so nice from angelfire, or maybe i was just ready to leave b/c i got my ass kicked. *thanks bret and everyone. i know you liked seeing me fall every three feet in the snow* yeah so skiing was fun and completely foreign to me but i had great teachers.

we stayed overnight in flagstaff, AZ, which was pretty much just like a tinier austin with choo-choo trains everywhere. it's a city of motels, and we had some soup and wine and leftover sandwiches for dinner. so visit flagstaff if you ever plan on hitch-hiking, which you should. it's funny how in austin, people wear north face and columbia gear--frat-tastic!!--but then in reality, people wear jackets because they're actually in sub-freezing weather.

the drive from flagstaff to LA was a great big morph from one topography to another: mountainlakedesertmountain. but really humbling to feel so small.

settling in was really no big deal whatsoever--we drove past sunset blvd, melrose, through and over hollywood, but i flipped my sh** when i saw the columbia records building. misinterpreted significance of popular iconography, but whatever. the apt is smaller than what i'm so used to, but that was to be expected. the roomate situation is great, and hopefully we can fumble around this town together. my first drive, in fact, is today taking bret to LAX. absolutely scary but will be so helpful in the long run. so now i'm just sitting here with coffee (NOT my own so i'm a little disappointed) and kicking back after my encounter with what can only be awarded the title of "pedestrian aerobics hallway" rather than "fitness center." i mean i guess you could get fit there, due to the kinesiological struggles with the rusty decades-old elliptical machine--and by machine i mean singular! you KNOW how i needs my elliptical fix. but WHAT am i COMPLAINING about??? i'm here.

pictures to come. i miss you.