merry bunny and jesus day.

Greetings from LaLa Land!

So I'm using this opportunity to simultaneously blog/email/update on things I want the people I care about to know. Firstly, on this Easter-eve, I miss being with those I love, especially on holidays! Tomorrow I've got a test shoot for some headshots in the morning, mass, and then I'm cooking for my roommates; still, it's not the same...but I suppose this begins adult life, in a way.

So things that are going on--living situation is still great, but Andrea and Rachel and I are all really eager to move out and move on, or at least to know where we'll end up. Places are super pricey, but split three ways will be ironically less damage than I ever spent in college. We're aiming for Hollywood or West Hwd...somewhere close to jobs. All I can say about jobs (jobs do not = taking dance classes or performing) is that we are all searching and it's scary out there. Wish us luck!! There are some things in the works and I have faith.

Work--so for much of the week, I work with Michael Schwandt (boss, friend from UT) at promoting him as a choreographer (www.michaelschwandt.com), exposing new clients to FUSION, our company (www.fusionentertain.com), and planning how I'll begin to package myself as a professional dancer. First step is refining the resume, and now that FUSION has recently gained professional representation (www.ddoagency.com) with DDO, I'm working closely with Jim, our agent, and I hope for that to lead to a solid relationship. Like I mentioned, I'm doing some test shots tomorrow to start building an image portfolio, so my own goal with that is to seek representation within the year. I want it so bad, but between 12hrs of classes here, extra govm't class, finishing my thesis, interning with Mike, and judging dance competitions on the weekends, there just hasn't been time. Which is actually a blessing, because it gives me time to take in the city. I love it here, if I haven't conveyed that, and dove right in from the first day I arrived.

Traffic is god-awful, but is tolerable if you're going somewhere you are excited about. I am, most of the time, so music really helps the gridlock. There are so many amazing parts of the city that I can't wait to explore, like museums, restaurants, you name it--come visit me and we'll go together! On that note, I'm still, er, a solo agent but I'm learning that I don't need another half to enjoy life. That's a big step for me, and it's put the focus back where it needs to be.

Random things...so I'm now an ambassador for Nike, where I lead 3mi runs once a week from the Nike Women store in the Grove--I get outfitted in Nike head-to-toe and am paid in gift certificates. Sweet deal, and I love it so far, mainly b/c I get to run around Los Angeles with women who are learning to love running as well.

The social life is pretty limited, mainly b/c I enjoy the company of those I live around...and because we're fiscally challenged...but we manage to get out every once in a while. We all intern all day and then have school at night. School's ok; it's geared at those most interested in film/TV production, which does lead to some fun field trips--we went to the set of "Studio 60," which is a new hour drama/comedy filmed on the WB lot right next to where I live, with Matthew Perry and others--sets are not a glamorous place. Look for the premiere in fall, maybe? There's been alot of buzz about it; should be a great show. TV work is a crazy, long workday, and I have a newfound respect for that.

Other updates that are brief but notable: I'm playing around with my haircolor...I found the best cupcake store ever www.sprinklescupcakes.com ...I got a new phone and am wired 24/7; email is my best friend...My new name is "Alanna Carthy" on my Bank of America card, much to my chagrin...I have a secret fascination with tiny skull-and-crossbone adornments...Trader Joe's is the BEST grocery store in the entire world...No one here uses turn signals...My diet has completely changed but I still love cheese...People here sign emails with "Be Well"...Parking does not exist here; you must MASTER the parallel or you're a goner...I have yet to see the beach...Everyone here "knows" someone or was on some reality TV show or another...There are lots of Hasidic Jews in Hollywood...my apt. complex is bizarre and there are too many child actors here to deal with...they filmed a pilot here...I got rear ended once already...leggings are cool...I am so inspired by all the music I'm sharing with people, I can't even take it--lots of inspiration for the summer...Kristin Cavallari is orange, not tan...toll roads here cost $3.oo...I drink Kombucha, or fermented mushroom tea...There are SO many Texans here.

So my family got a dog and I'm super jealous and want one SO bad, but I know it'll happen in time. Finding a job and making it through the summer w/out my car (i.e. trek across the southern US for work and weddings) are my main goals. Among the things I'm considering searching for post-graduation in May are law school, working for a CSA, pharmaceutical rep, working at an agency, freelancing (haha RIGHT), working with music licensing...so therein lies my dilemma--too many options and none of those are even actual jobs I've been offered. We'll see what surfaces, but for now it's just working day and night to do my best! I absolutely LOVE the pace of life, and I love being busy, and absolutely cannot WAIT until graduation, finally. I'm so old...or am I young?

I want to hear back from you and I care dearly about everyone even if I can't call you daily or weekly. I hope to be in TX from roughly May 12-June 28th, so let me know what your plans are! I want to hear updates about YOUR life and really don't like giving you the "highlights," which make it seem that life here is all fun and palm trees. I just like to give you the good stuff b/c it helps remind me why I'm here.

Much love on my end...

-Alanna
still @ (512) 784-5179; will change to a (323) or (310) in July.

masala does a body good

just finished eating dinner; rachel made naan, masala, samosas....all very very good. i need to write more--things seem to be getting to me lately. and i'm really worried about this bipolar thing, because i've been going from extreme highs (which are the good days) and extreme lows (which are pretty scary). and my new mantra of the month is not to use food as a reward. it's not; it keeps people alive, and i shouldn't let myself eat junk as some sort of prize for having a hard day. that's really fucked. i'm trying to stick with the EAS "body for life" program, which is really a full-time-job but feels great when i do it right. at the moment, it's operation kick my own ass into amazing shape, and i believe i can do it if i can steer clear of these insanely stressful moments where i just lose it. eh, i dunno what i'm even talking about.

things otherwise are going great--performed last week at the pacific design center for an industrial. jan brady was there. it was a fantastic night and i had so much fun with my new little dance crew. we worked in conjunction with jane ann ryan productions, who basically RULES all the cruise lines and some major award shows (most networks) and i'm happy i met the big dog. god i need to actually dance more. work is great like always, and i'm sad that the position at FUSION can't be a job after graduation, not until we book with any regularity. i'm still up for pouring my heart and soul into it, though. what else can i update...i miss my fam; they got a dog. i'm insanely jealous but i know that all these things will happen in time. the best would be if the future mr. comes with a dog already attached. :)

well, here's to gearing up for a rocky and completely unplanned as-of-yet summer: there'll be teaching, graduating, weddings, travel and moving here permanently. i can't do it alone, but i have my roomies, my real friends, my family, and my heart. wish it well!
love to everyone...
**pics are from st. patty's and diane von furstenberg, where we went to a VH1 save the music party--daisy fuentes and the donna's, anyone? i bought a cute dress there, at least, and ally WON a dvf dress worth over $400.

manicmanic

jesus i'm at work by 7:30 today...but i like that--no one is on the road here at 7 (i just took rachel to the airport for becca's wedding)...god bless the burbank airport.

i just said jesus AND god.

so i'm at work recovering from not coming in yesterday, but i work well when undisturbed. yesterday i basically figured out my life...at least the objective parts...and coordinated how the heck i'm graduating, what without the gov312L requirement and my incomplete from the thesis debaucle. i stayed on the phone with UT, advisors, UCLA, dad, and some others...so thank you if you helped me figure things out yesterday. that and i'm recovering mentally from being rear-ended, getting the car fixed, etc etc.

and i love my roomates, too. they are the loves of my life right now. (+ adare)

so i'll work today, pick up the good ol' camry, and i have a date!...with andrea and ally. i couldnt ask for better company and i can't wait. jarrett texted me late last night after i got home from the bar. that was strange, as i never know what it means, other than to say hi....but why....nevermind.
i think things are going to be ok. i also think i'm maybe bipolar, but not enough to count.

no one kissed me/i'm irish

yeah just got back from the bar for st. patrick's day. i just have to get some things out, no judgements, i dont' care if theres feedback; i'm only mildly drunk. i dont know why i have to say these things but i do.
-why are men not interested in me-why am i so insignificant-why cant i make up my mind-why am i so fat-why am i going back to that 6th grade place-i hate that place-i hate that place-im ugly there-sometimes isleep on the livingroom couch so it will feel like theres someone beside me-why am i so pathetic-why do i feel bad for myself-why do i abuse my own body-why dont i respect myself-i could love someone why dont they love me.

you're beautiful

hidey ho. sitting here watching the tail end of the oscars---crash is best picture. if nothing else (b/c i wouldn't necessarily have picked it for craftsmanship) i'm happier about the messages that are supported by the champions of mainstream cinema (i.e. DISCUSSION of racism, heterosexism, even sexism--more women among the nominees for producer and director credits). doesn't mean we're even close to fixing these things as a society. if i can it's my life's conviction to confront and work through things, and there is a lot of work to be done.

so from that, i can segue into talking about how i did work on my thesis finally in the car on the way home from big bear (if you don't know what my thesis is about and want to, ask). which lets me talk about big bear! so much more fun than my first treacherous day at angelfire, which in the end was great as well. so we drive to big bear early saturday, about 2 hrs east of LA, we went straight to the mountain, got our skis, shuttled over, and got to skiing. i didn't fall once this weekend! but someone did and we love her very much and are proud of her :)

and it's not cool, apparently, to SKI in cali--75%, if not more, of young people were boarding, so i'm dying to try it. we had a kickass time, checked into the hotel sat. night, took a roomate nap (so nice) and found dinner at this divey place called mandarin garden. met up with the UTLA crew at a bar later, and i had a well-deserved drink. i say this b/c i feel like ive been dieting like crazy and working out every chance i get, so it felt nice to have a drink for the sake of it.

sunday was great as well, and now we're home about to watch annie hall. i can't say it enough, i love my roomates. at mandarin garden on saturday we had a little bonding and i basically said that i'm desperate to hear someone say they love me--when i hear it from my parents in person, i guess in may, i'm going to break down. don't know why, and i'm not a whiny pathetic complainer, but it's just been a while, and i'm so desperate to know what and if i mean to people--i want to be meaningful and i want to work harder at developing and maintaining things i start with people. as hard as the truth is to grasp, there's no guy, no romance, but there is family and friends both here and in tx/louisiana who LOVE me and aren't afraid to say it. once i was very afraid to say it to my family, for some tougher deeper reasons, but why would i abandon a chance to do that?.....sorry just stream of consciousness.

i was telling rachel that i'm a very tactile person and when i dream or fantasize, its all completely about touch and being held or comforted or whatever. which leads me to create an addendum to the requirements of what i need in a man:
--must present me at the APPROPRIATE time with new puppy.
--must enjoy trying out new hotels.
--must not berate me for my new food habits.
--must be approved by my friends and family in a genuine way.

he's out there; he's just busy. and so am i but as you know, i love it! this week is gonna be a blur, so that i can finally arrive at saturday morning, when i will catch a plane at 6am to san francisco and take a train to san mateo for work, then to fresno, then to pick up adare monday. i cannot wait to see her. oh and andrea--you are a desirable SMART sexy as hell woman and i will make it my mission for you to see that independent of *******.