for some reason i'm really emotional and there are some tears. happy ones, though. tears because i am lucky; i have all these little families across the country that never really intersect but i'd like to think about how they really might, after all. tears because i feel taken care of as much as people are willing to. tears because of uncertainty; i'm scared of T-minus-a month. i don't know why and i don't know why my mind insists on putting so much at stake as for what the future holds. tears because there are things people don't know--that no one knows--about me. why is that realization so powerful?
it was a really really good day. not a fancy one, not a wild one, not a popularity contest, but my birthday was special--you know who you are if you made it that way. [usually, i'm neither here nor there on the question of love and its paradox: if the people we love are so wonderful, why do they need love to fill a void? meaning if a person seems perfect, and you love them, they really aren't perfect because they are lacking your love. so then those we love are lacking, just are we are lacking as well--or else we wouldn't seek it out....blah blah that can go on forever, but today i am convinced that the love i felt all weekend--from several sources--is love nonetheless and that i don't CARE how it got there; to question it is to disrespect its limitlessness.]
fantastic facts of the day: 40,000 people visited the Trail of Lights tonight. i am surrounded by flowers. i finally had a fire in my fireplace [way to go, unintentional metaphor! jesus.] i love smells and sounds more than sights...but maybe not more than touch. i have more alcohol over here than i can finish, so drop by, sing me a carol or two, and i'll get you properly sloshed.
or we could always sing together...
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