again

can't sleep, gotta get up at 6 for a meeting. and i can exert time + energy into this but nothing else? i think im caught in this place of being out of touch with what turns me on at all--the HRC activism isnt happening, no adventures, no being charitable at all, no sharing, no compromising, no concern but for myself, no communication with my parents, very little pride left, not engaged in the research like i should be, not wholeheartedly finishing a thing i start. i am not so great at sharing how i feel, as shepherd would be happy to point out, but i am worried about this depression that keeps happening every few days. its too much fucking time in my head but not enough on the clock. if i don't say it enough, and you read it here and it applies to you, i love you if you are my friend lately.