It has been everywhere. On my heart, on writing, on friends, relationships, life direction, choreography, my image, my purpose, and whatever. My focus, that is. Is it funny that I prefer to use foci? I can never get that out of my head, CALCULUS.
I'm actually having trouble keeping focus on any one thing for any significant partition of time. If you've talked to me recently, I've been downright manic and don't really use the nighttime for sleeping if that doesn't feel right--my creative juices flow from about 11pm to 7am--that's how I work, plain and simple. But maybe because I have little or no concern for anyone's schedule except my own? I dunno. I have THISMUCH to finish this week, but that's all! Just get through this week and then (barring my and Shannon's physics immersion through December 19) I'm home free and far from home. Or maybe on to my new one? Crap I hate how my own rhetoric is a product of whatever I pick up here and there. Since my thesis is about that anyway (media impact on children's attitudes), what exactly do I soak in? Lately, exclusively NPR/Austin Public Radio, books on social justice (antisemitism, racism, sexism, ablism, heterosexism), Vanity Fair, as much as can be garnered from checkout line tabloid sampling (oh YOU know what I mean--quick! WHY is it over, Jessica?? Britney, cut your losses and run away with Sean Preston!), SATC, Grey's, Christmas music lyrics, e.e. cummings, David Sedaris audiobooks, the Ellen show, music videos...I'm sure there are more but that's the point. It all sinks in, whether you want it to or not. So that's a good segue into my update-0-rama:
*Thesis: is now postponed because of the idiocy of the Institutional Review Board. Will be taking data to Los Angeles to analyze there. Results out by February.
*Internship: Will be interning for Mike, who started Roustabouts eight years ago. So odd that I'm leaving what I've done for 4.5 years/9 semesters to pursue it again in a way. I'll be working with him between independent projects, his EDGE classes, and the company. I canNOT explain the sense of relief I have now knowing that I'm going to be working with dancers and with stage performance. That and I have no clue NO CLUE what I'm doing at all in any way. And that's ok.
*Roustabouts: I am so proud of us. I have no reservations about leaving, and I am in awe of all of you every day. Never underestimate change. roooostaloooooooooos!
*My heart is happy and taken care of. That is all I have to say about that.
*School: this has been the most bizarre semester possible, as far as curricula is concerned. I'm so far removed from grades and Bb and office hours that I sometimes forget that they are still quite pertinent to me, even if I ignore them. Doin my own thing my own way my own time.
*Choreography has been consuming, but it's the best feeling I think. I'll just say that in a Ron Burgundy-esque way, high schoolers know me.
On that note, because there are more but once again I'm distracted and need to go, I leave with the declaration that I am humbled by the kindness, compassion, and warmth that I'm lucky to experience. I have no problem saying that if you avoid me, turn me down, disregard me, belittle me, or silence me, then at this point you don't fit in my grid. If you love me, challenge me, confront me, make me cry/laugh, or hold me, you not only fit in it but constitute the grid. Hey, I trip and mess it up quite a bit, but you give me a reason to return.
